This will have to be a very fast post. I took two Ambien in order to fall asleep tonight...I have had them for a while and not used them, and I knew I would need them. My dog was just writhing in pain on our kitchen floor. Squealing. He is always in pain - he's old, and has arthritis and walking problems. He's deaf and blind. But he's never been like this. We all sort of wish that he would just die while sleeping at home I think. No one wants to have to make the decision to put their dog down. I love that dog. He is the best. He's been with my family since I was about 8 or 9, and losing him is going to be like losing a part of me. It's so strange...when I wasn't living at home, I know it would have affected me, but something changed about me being home. It's almost like, I moved home for this. I needed to be here. It sounds crazy I'm sure some people would say, for a dog. But he's my dog, and dogs are not like people. They don't discriminate. They love you absolutely unconditionally on and on as long as they can. Just to see my dog in pain, and knowing I can do nothing to help him feel better kills me. Why should he have to be in pain? Why should he have to suffer? I wish people could learn to love like dogs. That requires openness that people don't have. People are afraid of unconditional love because it hurts when it's not reciprocated. We expect reciprocation from every action. If I do this for you, you do that for me. There is something expected to get back from helping someone do something, even if it's simply a feeling that you get that you helped. I can't think of the word I'm looking for and head is starting to get fuzzy from Ambien but that is what I mean. I'll figure it out tomorrow and edit this. For now, my eyes are getting tired and I need to go to sleep so I can get up in the morning and hope my dog is still alive and then drag myself to work. Everything feels very heavy right now. That must be a sure sign I need to pass out.