Just some current thoughts

I just learned that my grandfather has had a minor stroke. He is 94 years old, and these things happen. Death is inevitable. I am worried, but there is really nothing I can do. I hope he gets better, but hoping for those things is like denying the obvious. I love him and I will miss him, but eventually all life comes to an end. We just don't know when it will happen.
I miss my other grandfather immensely. He died last Summer. I have a ridiculous amount of respect for that man. He was truly a good person, with a good heart and soul. I see so many heartless soulless bitches day after day that it is hard to believe that anyone could actually have a heart, but he did, and I will always hope that I can be half the person he was. I want life to be worthwhile. I don't intend on wasting it being miserable and scared.

I cannot graduate when I thought I would be able to. I am taking three week courses over Winter break to make up for it. The end of January can't come quickly enough. I don't know what I am going to do. I wish I had enough money so that I could volunteer for a while and not work for money. I very much want to become a certified counselor for battered women. I am taking a class in women and violence, and it makes me want to help in whatever way I can. Women in this country need to have a place to turn when they have no other options, and no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I feel like in school I am doing nothing but a very good job at fading into the background. I don't especially want to be in the background. I don't want to be center stage either, but I want to be doing something worthwhile with my time. I don't care how much certain people argue for education, there are so many things wrong with it and the way we learn and the things we learn in college. There are many useful things, but none of my four and a half years in undergraduate education has even begun to prepare me for a job. Since we are forced to have a job and make a living in society, you would think they would do a better job in preparing you for a real-world job. Mostly all I have gotten from school is to get very very angry at all the injustices and inequality in the world, and to learn that there are even more problems and more injustices in the world than I was aware of when I started. When I think of it on a grand scale, it frustrates me, because there is only so much one person can do. I have focused my education on mental health, and I can only hope that at one point I am in a position where I can actually help people. So many people think that mental health problems are either very easily solved or don't exist at all. It's frustrating because they're very real, and so often the people who have mental problems are just chastised for being "crazy" or "insane" or for not "manning up and dealing with their issues." Wouldn't it be nice if instead of chastising these people, we accepted that they had a problem, helped them to solve it, and in doing so, made the world a slightly better place?

I don't understand why people are so bent on hate and fighting and anger. I don't understand why people are so closed-minded, and will never admit they are wrong. I don't understand why some people seem to never grow up and prefer to instead stay stuck living in a happy little bubble where nothing bad can touch them. I don't understand why people preach a whole load of bullshit and never follow through on it. Every day I wake up and want to be a better person than I was the day before. Isn't that really all we can do? We can just keep going, keep moving, and make life worthwhile. Our country feels like it's in a state of turmoil with every side pointing fingers at one another. There is so much ANGER everywhere, in everyone. I think people don't even really know where the anger comes from. They're just angry, and when you're angry, you don't really see things clearly. You are simply angry, and nothing will satisfy you except a release for that anger. Too often this release is not brought about in a proper manner, and it makes otherwise intelligent people speak or act in very foolish ways. I feel as if things would be much easier to deal with if people learned to be honest about their feelings, and also accepting when other people are honest about their feelings. We are afraid of feelings because they can hurt us in ways that we have no idea how to deal with. You can't put a band-aid on a broken heart.