Drinking some new Sixpoint Resin and contemplating my last few journal entries.  I hate how I flip around so much.  It's just so clear I'm directionless.  A couple months ago I was bemoaning my job and saying how much I wanted a new one, and now I'm contemplating the wine manager thing.  The wine manager thing is what I'm going to call it, because right now it's turning into a mess of stress that I don't want to deal with.  I told my boss I was interested.  This is the truth.  I am very interested.  Unfortunately, I think that he doesn't see it as something serious, and that is a big problem for me.  He is being rather cavalier and nonchalant about the whole thing now.  Before, he was making it out as if it were a big deal and it was going to happen right away and blah blah blah, but now it's "we'll talk sometime this week" and "Well I got you up to 40 hours for the time being and we'll continue our talk in the next couple days" BLAH BLAH BLAH. 

I am not willing to get screwed over by this.  I'm just not.  I fully intend on dictating this to him.  This is important to me.  It's my future.  I want him to take it seriously.  If he's not going to take it seriously then it might be time for big changes for me.  Such as...quitting.  Quitting is a scary thing in this economy, but sometimes I think I just won't be able to motivate myself to get another job unless I don't have one at all.  The problem is that I am hearing different things from different people, and they all make sense.  Some of my friends and family are extremely excited, but others have reservations.  The problem is that the reservations are coming from my coworkers who have worked with my boss and know how he can be.  They understand why I myself have reservations about essentially marrying myself to this place for years.  My problem is that I don't think my boss is taking this seriously.  Huge f-ing problem, and I am bouncing back and forth like a damn yo-yo on it.  The problem is that without this, I don't know what the hell I'm doing either, and then I'm back to square one, which is back to sending out resumes and selling my soul to huge corporations who could give a shit less about their employees. 

Life is stressful.  Gotta make money, and have to sell your soul to do it.  It seems to be the way of the world today.  Not everyone is going to get rich with their own business, but for anyone who doesn't, the future seems rather bleak.  The future of everything seems pretty damn bleak, but I'm a cynic by nature, so you never know.  I am more confused than ever.