I have not written in a long time, especially publicly.  I always write, I just don't always post it on the internet for everyone to see.  Funny thing about this blog is that it remains rather anonymous even though it is public because I barely ever tell anyone I have it.  It's probably better since it seems that most of the stuff I have posted here has ended up being ramblings or rantings about my life.  Just things I need to get off my chest.  There's no rhyme or reason to it.  I like posting here once in a while, going back and reading, and seeing how my life has changed since the last time I posted.  It's definitely helpful because it helps me to see that I do make progress and changes in my life, even if they are sometimes slow. 

Last time I posted about the wine manager position and its potential.  I decided this evening I have changed my opinion about it.  Life is all about perspective.  I tend to lean toward the cynical negative side of things, so I have decided to change my perspective.  If I were, say, a highly optimistic, enthusiastic person, I would have had a completely different outlook.  I would have not thought of the position as being what people can teach me, but rather what I can learn from other people.  That is the problem I'm having.  I always wait for other people to make up their minds and figure out what they're doing, when in actuality, all I really have to do is just do it.  All the cards are in place.  I cannot rely on people to learn for me.  I have to teach myself.  This opportunity is going to be all about what I can make of it.  It has nothing to do with anyone else.  And that, inherently, solves the question of if I'm going to be married to my job for years and years.  I've already decided the answer to that is no.  No matter what I've decided, if something better comes along, and the time is right, I will move on.  I won't feel guilty.  I'm just going to do what I need to do.  If I'm teaching myself, then I don't have to feel indebted to anyone.  And I am.  I love learning about wine.  The whole world of it is fascinating, and I feel like I've barely started.  I hear these salesmen and presenters talk about their trips abroad to the tiny vineyards in Italy and France and I just hope that one day I get the opportunity to do what they are doing.  They will never work 9-5 jobs, but it doesn't matter when you get the opportunities they do.  It's definitely not all fun and games for them either - often they are just tasting and spitting, which is honestly not the most attractive part of the job.  Then again, how are you going to taste hundreds of wines without getting shmammered?  You spit, and it's gross.  There are occasions to enjoy and occasions to taste.  Just like any other job, it has its downfalls.  I love learning about it all though.  There are so many different stories and schools of thought.  Everyone has a different opinion.  Taste is so subjective.  It's really the variety of it that I like so much.  There is always something different and something new to learn.  I'm just beginning, but it's good so far.